I took a step back and tried analyzing my “love-life”. I found that there have been so many times where I’ve really been a disappointment to myself. I’ve come to the realization that I’m starting to settle. It’s funny to me because I’ve told myself a thousand-and-one times that I’d never let another man treat me any less than what I’m worth. But yet again, I let myself down and settled.
What is it with me, you ask?
Hell, I wish I knew the answer to that question. I wish I knew why I long to love someone with every part of me and why I yearn to be loved by someone who reciprocates that love.
The truth is, I can’t explain it. My moment of clarity, I’ll admit, has a few gray areas…
Anyway, so observing the relationships of my close friends, I cannot help but notice how we all seem to settle. Our comfort zones are what keep us sane, but also tends to be the same thing that drives us insane!
I had to really sit back and think of the pros and cons, the ups and downs, and the good times verses the bad times … and no matter how I looked at it, I came up with the same conclusion – he isn’t worth it. So what makes me stay? What makes me feel like there’s just something about him that makes me want to stick-it-out?! I’m never persistent when it comes to anything else; my drive is lacking in other aspects of my life, except when it comes to this.
So I came to the conclusion that no matter how much he hurts me, no matter how much I’ve cried, I’m still a fighter and I can’t imagine my life without him. There is no purpose in living if you aren’t passionate about something and my certain “something”, just happens to be loving people whole-heartedly, passionately, and relentlessly. So even if he isn’t “Mr. Right”, he’s “Mr. Right Now” and for the time being, he is my passion.