Sunday, February 20, 2011

So I had a moment of clarity … and decided to share it…

I took a step back and tried analyzing my “love-life”. I found that there have been so many times where I’ve really been a disappointment to myself. I’ve come to the realization that I’m starting to settle. It’s funny to me because I’ve told myself a thousand-and-one times that I’d never let another man treat me any less than what I’m worth. But yet again, I let myself down and settled.

What is it with me, you ask?

Hell, I wish I knew the answer to that question. I wish I knew why I long to love someone with every part of me and why I yearn to be loved by someone who reciprocates that love.

The truth is, I can’t explain it. My moment of clarity, I’ll admit, has a few gray areas…

Anyway, so observing the relationships of my close friends, I cannot help but notice how we all seem to settle. Our comfort zones are what keep us sane, but also tends to be the same thing that drives us insane!

I had to really sit back and think of the pros and cons, the ups and downs, and the good times verses the bad times … and no matter how I looked at it, I came up with the same conclusion – he isn’t worth it. So what makes me stay? What makes me feel like there’s just something about him that makes me want to stick-it-out?! I’m never persistent when it comes to anything else; my drive is lacking in other aspects of my life, except when it comes to this.

So I came to the conclusion that no matter how much he hurts me, no matter how much I’ve cried, I’m still a fighter and I can’t imagine my life without him. There is no purpose in living if you aren’t passionate about something and my certain “something”, just happens to be loving people whole-heartedly, passionately, and relentlessly. So even if he isn’t “Mr. Right”, he’s “Mr. Right Now” and for the time being, he is my passion.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. I see this a lot with females. Too attracted too drawn in to walk away. It's the challenge isn't it? For a woman walking away from a romantic challenge is like a man walking away from a naked woman.
    Logically it doesn't make sense to settle, to stay with a guy that hurts you. But females generally don't start or end relationships for logical reasons. That desirable emotional dynamic is present in this instance. What you feel is the deciding factor. That's why you'll choose to continue despite knowing you deserve better.
    Only you know where your limit is. I think you'll move on when the time is right if you still aren't getting what you need.
    Best of luck!

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. i have so many friends in this situation. the sad thing is that they're all great girl. all aspiring to take the world by storm. solid jobs, multiple degrees, etc.

    and the guys are swagged out, cheat on them, and do whatever. everyone is "happy" in the end, but what kinda dysfunctional shit is that!? lol

    good post. pax.